Dark Blanks

My full name is Baraa’h Qandeel. I’m 24 years old. I like to call myself a “multipotentialite”, that means I’m interested in many different things, and I try to do them all. 

What I have is passion, passion for what life can offer, for what human beings are able to learn and create. I’ve been into languages and cultures since I was very young, I believe this is what led to choosing Translation and English Language as my major. I graduated in 2021. I then learned about marketing and worked in content writing, I have been learning Business Development skills lately, and hopefully, if I’m meant to stay alive, I’ll pursue a job in this field.

I have always been a people person, a top-notch extrovert, seeking to connect with people from different backgrounds and cultures to get to know different views of the world. 

I love writing and from time to time I publish my prose and poetry in English and Arabic. 

I love Gaza and my country Palestine as well, and I like talking about them.

I have a lot of goals and dreams to turn into reality, and I want to live to do so.

I’m not always keeping up. I have some faith and this is what’s helping me to hold on during this ongoing crisis. I somehow manage to distract myself by reading or rewatching some movies or anime episodes I have downloaded on my laptop a long time ago. 

Writing is a healing process in these difficult days, I write when I’m overwhelmed, scared, tired. Something inside me urges writing today. Below is what I feel in a form of poetry. 


Dark Blanks

With my heavy breaths

the heaviest ever

I’m laying on my bed

counting the hours

counting the nights

since the very start

of this living hell

Bomb after bomb 

dropping on houses

echoing in my head

filling me with anger

and an despicable fear

draining my patience

killing my strength

and fuelling me with urge

to scratch my own eyes

out of this unbearable pain

running through my veins

I’m trying to be strong

I’m trying to persevere

but isn’t that itself inhumane? 

Aren’t they killing my people?

and coldly demolishing homes, 

And without any shame, 

they kept showing off? 

Massacre after massacre

And now on top of that,

I’m being asked to hold on? 

Am I just an animal?

eat or you shall be eaten?

This is not what I live by

Wait! Am I living now? 

Is this even a life? 

I’m forced to sleep trembling

on each and every night

while they bomb us from the sky

like it is a stupid video game

I don’t know how to hold on

when there is no running water,

only bathes of blood

I used to know love

I used to know humanity

Now, I only know anger

I only know fear

I’m just losing my sanity

No need to kill me now

They’ve killed me many times

For each and every time

they killed a friend of mine

and killed an innocent child

For each and every moment

they took my safety away

They’ve killed me already

alongside with my house

I’m homeless for the second time

thanks to their hands

I don’t know how to survive this

I’m only mapping out

all their crimes on my body

and filling the blanks of my mind

with the darkest of their deeds

I’m becoming a walking memory

backing up all the sadness

all the destruction

all the madness 

And I will not forgive

I will not forget

And now I’m so exhausted

that I can’t shed a single tear

nor give this poem an end

for our pain isn’t poetic 

Not anymore!

Not this time!

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